Sunday, December 16, 2012

Who You Really Are

On Friday morning, Atty told me:

"I held hands with my spirit this morning."

I said, "That sounds wonderful. Did anything happen?"

"No," she answered. "I was just laying in my bed, and my spirit came out of my head so I could see it."

"Wow," I said, "That sounds really special. Is there anything else you'd like to share?"

"My spirit was a girl."

I said, "You have had a really unique experience. Did you learn anything?"

She paused and answered... "Hmmm... Well... here's what I learned... your spirit is who you really are. Your body is not really you. Nothing else matters but love."

Reminding me once again, what a truly awe inspiring soul I brought into this world.


Nicole Jade said...

She is grasping early what some people never comprehend. Even many people who believe that we actually have a spirit tend to think it's some completely unknowable essence buried too deeply inside to ever find. But when we think, that's our spirit thinking, when we move it's our spirit directing our body to move.

Becca C. said...

That's beautiful!

CP River said...

There are a lot of other LDS people like Atty. I thought saying that might help you. Also please keep your faith and stay strong. What you feel that means I'll let you interpret except for the fact of not letting bitterness creep over your heart so that you and your child can remain pure like you are now.

I thought saying something about LDS people like Atty being out there might help because those that are trying to have faith and live with this problem are often very spiritual people. But even then I doubt it would be good to meet them except to know there are good people trying to get through a struggle similar to yours.

I also have this kind of a challenge and hope for when things can be fixed right to be how I'm supposed to be...whether that is in the next life or resurrection, or this one it doesn't matter because if I stay true to the Lord things will be ok somehow.

james jay said...

I'm a gay man and was introduced to an intersexual person by a mutual friend. Short story - we fell in love. What I went through as an out gay man was nothing compared to what my sweetie went through her entire life. I realized how little i knew about the struggles of a community so close to my own. My mission in life now is her happiness and protection. It seems to me thats your mission also with Atty. All you need is love and the rest will fall into place. XO

Leanorah Loreli Grace said...

Atty is having personal revelations that I have had and have been having all my life. But she is having the greater revelation, that the body is not the real you, at a far earlier age. I am a lifelong Latter Day Saint, and have had strict sex and gender roles inculcated into me by my religion. My parents would not let me act upon what I knew to be my truth, my identity.

Even when at 13 my body was showing outward signs of a female puberty, my Mother was disturbed and gave my doctors the go ahead to inflict me with testosterone to counteract it and force me into a male puberty. Years later my Mom apologized and said, she too, had seen my spirit, that I was a girl. She prayed with me, and blessed me that one day I would be able to live as I as meant to live. She foresaw that I would have Gender Confirmation Surgery, keeping me home from school to watch Phil Donahue do specials on Sex Changes, and Transsexuality. She enabled my cross dressing, even when my Dad found my stash, and forced me to throw it out in shame not once, but twice. I went on with my life, never really thinking much about this.

I even was part of the gang at school teasing the boys we thought would get sex-changes, and come to reunions as girls. All along, I knew it would be me. I was the most feminine, the biggest sissy, the girliest girl, the one who knew her spirit was feminine, and totally a woman. I knew that the body was not the real me. The body is only our vessel to the real us, the symbiote. We are like unto a symbiote. Our Mind, heart, spirit and soul is our true self, and what we see or perceive, is only temporary. Just after my 49th birthday, I realized this and accepted it. I accepted my true self in June, and I have never been happier.

Now my desire is to be my best self, now that I have identified my true self. I am shedding myself from guile, inspired by hearing at my fathers funeral that he was "a man without guile." To me the greatest thing anybody can say about someone's life at a funeral. I want that to be said of me, and it can't if I remain as a fake human being presenting as a man. My salvation is in jeopardy if I don't follow through on this change. My heart goes out to you and Atty. She will live a life never having to wear the awful coat of soul killing guile. She is free. Free to be herself. Godspeed. And thank God for parents like you.